How Couples Can Get Into S&M And Introduce BDSM Into Their Bedroom

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S&M has a bad rap, and unfortunately, E.L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey did little to help its reputation. But those who practice S&M or who have a better understanding know that it’s much more than about pain.

What is S&M?

S&M is short for sadism (pleasure from causing pain) and masochism (pleasure from receiving pain). It’s a subset of BDSM, an umbrella term that stands for bondage, dominance/submission, sadism, and masochism. BDSM can range from using fuzzy handcuffs, ball gags, riding crops, and beyond. It comes down to each persons’ preferences.

In an interview with Health.com, TheAdultToyShop.com sex expert Mayla Green explained, “Bondage and dominance/submission are part of the psychological play of S&M. For effective role-playing in S&M, one partner assumes the role of the dominant, the other takes the role of the submissive. They are very closely tied.”

Green and other experts note that those who participate in extreme or particularly painful S&M are less common than people realize. She told Health.com that while play forms the foundation of BDSM, the fun also comes from full consent and equal power between partners.

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Getting Into S&M

As we mentioned, there’s a broad scope of activities that fall under the category of BDSM, and consequently, S&M. Not everyone is interested in flogging; for some, a blindfold is just enough. And for beginners, blindfolding is a great way to ease into S&M. “Some elements of S&M can be quite intense for newbies, so my best suggestion for first-timers is to practice sensory deprivation,” Green told Health.com. “The concept is that when we remove one of the senses, the others are heightened to make up for the lost one.”

Dominance is a core component of S&M, and depriving the submissive partner of the ability to see (or move, in the case of bondage), gives the dominant partner more control. Plus, blindfolding heightens anticipation since the submissive partner won’t know what the other will do next. So what happens after playing with a blindfold after a while? You can move on to other activities, like simple bondage games, role-playing, and more.

S&M Principles

Dominance and control aren’t the only things that lie at the heart of S&M. Consent does, too – and it’s more important than anything else. When couples agree to participate in S&M, both fully consent to the activities, whether it’s name-calling, spanking, etc. And each person understands that these behaviors are exclusively for the bedroom.

Couples agree on a safe word because it assures consent and acknowledges that either partner can withdraw it at any point during play. When deciding on a safe word, pick something that you two would usually never use. That way, if one of you says it, the other partner will clearly understand the purpose.

Don’t be afraid to have fun and experiment with your partner. S&M is an opportunity for couples to learn more about themselves and each other, leading to a closer bond and a better relationship. Plus, you might find you’re kinkier than you thought!

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Sources
● Mateo March 14, Ashley. “How to Introduce S&M Into Your Sex Life.” Health.com, 14 Mar. 2019, www.health.com/condition/sexual-health/s-and-m-sadomasochism.

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