On this blog we tend to talk about marriage quite often (maybe you’ve already seen our article about fixing a sexless marriage), so I guess we should also highlight the most common problems in marriage.
Why is it important to discuss these issues? – Sometimes couples ignore things that clearly indicate that their marriage is not in a good state. Identifying these problems early, can help you save your marriage before it is too late.
And if you are in deep trouble already, I believe you should take a look at Dr. Lee Baucom’s work, where he gives an explanation on how you can still save your marriage, even if you are the only one trying to make it work. He is truly amazing, and has been very successful in getting couples “back on track” for a long time now. Today you two might be constantly fighting, but in a week everything can change.
Hi, my name is George. Bear with me and let me tell you how I personally experienced some of the most common problems in marriage.
I still remember how me and my, well, now ex-girlfriend, separated. All the signs were there but I have been refusing to accept them as “problems”. We were in each other’s hair most of the time when we were together. We couldn’t agree on anything, sexual life was almost non-existent … and one day, suddenly, everything was over. And we were together for more than 5 years. We talked about getting married one year earlier. And then it has all fallen apart.
It starts with little things, and with time it escalates to a higher level. I ignored all – the little things, and the big issues. I thought time will heal everything. But it was the other way around – time made everything worse. Because of my actions. Because, how I reacted to my relationship problems was wrong and could only lead to where it led – separation.
I am happy that I am now with a woman, who knows how to communicate and solve problems before they escalate. We have 3 beautiful children, and there’s still the same level of passion as it was initially. I believe that talking is the key – communication … lots of it. Do not be angry at your spouse if they’re not happy with something. Just try to work towards solutions: “So, we have a problem, now how do we fix it?”
What are the most common problems in marriage? – I thought it might be of use, if we write our unique view on marital issues, especially the most common ones that can lead to divorce.
Here are the 10 most common problems in marriage:
- Lack of communication
- Sexual dissatisfaction
- Financial issues
- Politics and values
- Lifestyle incompatibility
- Parenting style
- Being jealous
- Trying to change each other’s personality
- Household chores
1. Lack of communication
I was surprised that like zero existing source mentioned this, while I believe it is in-fact on the number one spot – the communication. Specifically, the lack of good communication.
It doesn’t mean you two don’t talk. It means that you don’t talk about the right things. I know couples who call each other 10 times per day, and still they manage to fail to talk about the things they should.
Ignoring topics that should be discussed in every marriage, can eventually lead to divorce. When was the last time you two discussed problems constructively? What solutions have you agreed upon?
Talk, and talk more. Discuss relevant things that affect your marriage. Do not let problems pile up undiscussed.
2. Sexual dissatisfaction
Sex is important for a successful relationship. Whoever said true love between a man and a woman can exist without sex, is so wrong. There’s even scientific evidence suggesting sex to be the key to a happy marriage.
Not only does having sex provide you with an astonishing orgasm, but it also leaves an “afterglow” that lasts for about 2 days (according to study). Couples who have more sex, experience fewer frustrations.
However, sometimes just having sex won’t do it. Sex may become boring, or one partner may be sexually unsatisfied even when there’s plenty of sex. We believe you should take a look at our tips we’ve prepared on how to have great sex, even if you’ve been married for 10+ years.
You always need to find innovative things, and never let your relationship to fall into a routine. Routine is the worst enemy of a happy marriage.
3. Financial issues
It doesn’t have to be the lack of money. It’s usually not that. People with modest salaries even tend to fight less over the money. I know that, because I was also struggling in quite a few timeframes of my life. My wife and I didn’t argue about the money at those time – Well, there was nothing to argue about. No money, no argument about it, I guess.
Most arguments tend to happen about investments and expenditures. One partner wants to invest into something, and the other disagrees. Or one spends all money on something, while the other believes those stuff are completely irrelevant. Or one doesn’t even consult the other, simply spends.
Being synchronized and reaching an agreement on how the money will be spent, is one of the most crucial elements. Financial issues in marriage are often highlighted as one of the most common problems in marriage, which can certainly lead to a divorce when badly managed.
4. Politics and values
Oh god, the politics. I hate to say this, but if partners are enthusiastic about the politics and each on a different side, it may start a fight whenever the topic is brought up.
I also merged values with this same category, because basically, it’s the same thing – It is what you stand for, it is something that in your belief matters the most.
A very mild and simplistic example: If she is into animals and really wishes to have a puppy, but he is a complete anti-animal guy, can such relationship work? – Well sure it can, if it’s that single conflict of values. But if these conflicts keep pilling-up, you may have a problem.
However, with proper communication, and by understanding one another and the fact that every person is different (which is by no means a bad thing), couples who may have different priorities, can still find a way to cooperate just fine.
Here she comes, the mother-in-law. One of the most common problems in marriage can be parents-in-law and it’s usually the mom. Trying to “consult” her son/daughter and make the other partner look bad.
Sometimes, parents are unable to accept the fact, that their kids are now grownups with a family of their own. Keeping strings attached a little too much.
I still remember reading on a forum where this girl was asking for help. She said that her mother-in-law is constantly telling him (her boyfriend) that she’s not good enough for him. Saying things like she’s incompetent, earns low salary, can’t cook, can’t clean, etc.
In this kind of situations the son shouldn’t merely listen and stay quiet. Couples need to have their backs, always. Even if that means that you end up having a fight with your parents. They’ll get over it sooner or later. But doing nothing about it, can lead to separation.
6. Lifestyle incompatibility
The most common problems in marriage can sometimes be pinned on how well both partners are compatible regarding their lifestyle.
To make things clearer; Imagine if the woman is an athletic person, who likes to keep a healthy diet. While the guy resembles the one on the photo above. Doesn’t care about active living, smokes, drinks, etc.
Probably such couple don’t stand a chance even in early stages after they’ve met. However, it tends to happen that one partner changes their lifestyle during the marriage. Some enlightenment happens and they try to start living healthy. And he/she does. But have no support from their spouse. That’s bad.
What we see happen on many occasions is, that the active partner soon meets someone who shares their thinking. Like a nice fit fella at the gym. They start talking, go for a drink, spark ignites, and boom – they end up together. It is so important to do things together, and to share activities. Not all, but most of them.
7. Parenting style
This one carries a big weight. It is all simple when there are no kids involved. But once a new member comes to the house, that little angel may just as well be “the cause” of series of new problems.
On the 7th place among the most common problems in marriage, we therefore must highlight the parenting style. If one tries to lead an authoritative parenting, but the other is into permissive style, things won’t end well.
The tiniest disagreements (especially in front of the kids) won’t only destroy the relationship, but leave serious consequences on the child involved. Children start being confused – “Who’s right here, mommy or daddy? Why do mommy and daddy fight all the time? Is it my fault?”
Synchronous parenting is a must. And whether there are any indifferences, they should be argued upon when kids are absent. That is, if you care at all.
8. Being jealous
I love the above photo. He kind of seems guilty to me. Which would justify jealousy in this case.
However it’s a complete nonsense, when one partner doesn’t trust the other. If the girl wanna go out with her friends, why not. You don’t have to follow her everywhere. Women need “women talk”, and that can’t work when men are around.
And there’s nothing different when it comes to men. Buddies drinking beer, joking about stuff and having (mostly brainless) conversations is something men need. And there’s nothing to be jealous about.
But some people can’t get over it, and must think of worst-case scenarios. Just don’t. Have trust in your spouse, if he/she wouldn’t love you, they’d be gone already. And if they decide on cheating on you, jealousy won’t save that problem. But it may start it! – When someone is jealous all the time, for a long time, it may just lead the other spouse into having an affair for real.
9. Trying to change each other’s personality
It’s basically the same as saying: “I don’t like you the way you are. You’ll have to change.”
And this is not about habits, is not like asking someone to stop drinking alcohol. It’s about personality. Such actions can make your partner feel as they are less worthy, and leave negative consequences on their confidence.
Just don’t. You married him (or her), and you’ve had plenty of time before that, to establish whether you like their character or not. If you two are so incompatible, you shouldn’t have married in the first place.
It is degrading and a low act, when someone is trying to change another. Learn to live with your spouse, and learn to appreciate their personality instead trying to alter it.
10. Household chores
There, we finally came to an end, the 10th of the most common problems in marriage: the household chores.
So, I’m a guy, I’m employed working full time job, having kids on my back all the time, trying to write articles in my free time (mostly at night), and I still manage to help with household chores. Just today, I cleaned the dishes and vacuumed the apartment. And after I was done inside, I also went outside to mow the lawn.
Well, I’m no superman, I just know that wife and husband should help each other when it comes to household chores. It’s not 1900s anymore. Both partners are equal, both have to work for salary, and both should do stuff at home.
It’s not always guy’s fault however. Women also tend to forget, that sometimes going outside to help their man with something, will not break their dignity.
All I can say is, help each other, do stuff together, distribute home tasks evenly and collaborate.
Thanks for reading The 10 Worst and The Most Common Problems in Marriage