→ Is your wife often away from home saying she’s going on a girls night out with her friends?
→ Has your husband suddenly started hitting the gym and began dressing suspiciously nice?
Cheating is more common than you think. I was reading through Reddit and one comment said that out of 10 spouses who cheat, only 2 get caught or admit they cheated to their SO (significant other). And only 1 out of 10 get divorced. Others just bury the secret and their husband / wife never finds out about cheating.
So, what are the best and most efficient ways for catching a cheater? How to catch a cheating spouse? How to get a confirmation whether they are loyal or are they actually having an affair? In this article we will explain, so bare with us.
To understand how cheaters act, you should read our article on how to best hide you’re cheating. From the linked article you can learn how cheaters think, what they are trying to hide, and use our tips to get inside their mind.
Another great idea if you are suspecting your spouse of cheating is that you sign up for this program on how to reveal a cheater. It is comprehensive anti-cheating guide, that will explain to you in detail what steps you should take to reveal his / hers infidelity.
So let’s begin and have a look at How to catch a cheating spouse: Guide to catching a cheater.
10 best actions to take to catch your cheating spouse
We are talking about actions here – What to do when you begin suspecting your spouse of infidelity? What actions to take to reveal the truth about cheating as soon as possible?
We’ve prepared a comprehensive guide of 10 steps you can start executing instantly and reveal their infidelity in a matter of days.
First I would like to say, I know it is hard. I have also been a victim of cheating and my world collapsed when I found out. This woman was everything to me at the time. I would die for her if I had to. I loved her so much.
The crazy thing is, when I look back, there were all the signs of her cheating on me present. But I wasn’t willing to accept that, I was ignoring the signs. I should have taken different steps, and try to do something about it. Doing nothing is the worst thing you can do.
Well, I guess we learn from mistakes. And since I have 1st hand experiences with cheating (or being cheated on, w/e) I believe I am more than qualified to write a quality piece on this subject. Read it and let me know if it was of any use. Thanks!
1 – Do not reveal your suspicions
The biggest mistake that you can do, is to reveal your suspicions to your spouse. If they know you are suspecting them of infidelity, they will go on high alarm mode and become super careful about their acts. This will make it a lot more difficult for you to catch them at cheating.
To catch a cheating spouse, we do not mean literally catching them with their lover. By catching a cheating spouse we refer to collecting proofs of their infidelity.
Once you have enough evidence you will:
- Know for a fact if he / she is actually cheating on you;
- Have the ability to face them with concrete arguments;
- Your arguments will not be based on mere assumptions;
- If it comes to a divorce, financial settlement and child custody, these evidence will help you.
Do you know how detectives always work undercover and focus all their work into not being revealed by the suspects? Once their cover is blown they no longer have the ability to do their detective work – the suspect will flee, cover all traces, and temporarily stop projects, so he doesn’t get caught.
Catching a cheating spouse is very similar to real detective work. Searching for evidence, watching your spouse movements, behavior, tracing them, trying to find written evidence that prove their infidelities. And if you want to achieve that, you should not blow your cover.
Your cover is to play a happy, oblivious partner, who has no idea about the cheating. If your cheating wife / husband learns about you being suspicious and on to them, they will make sure that you find nothing concrete against them. They may even stop meeting their lover temporarily. Cheaters are clever, but if they think you know nothing, they may become sloppy.
2 – Keep attention and observe closely how they act and react
It is very common that a person who cheats reacts strangely to perfectly normal questions. Like asking: “How was your day honey?” can already trigger them. A very common reaction is anger, and instant counter-attack as defense. They might react to the previous question with something like this: “Why are you asking me about my day? Do I need to report you about my whereabouts? Do you not trust me?!” – Yeah, these aggressive responds are already by themselves a substantial evidence.
Every person that I know of being cheated upon, has told me, their spouse had become aggressive-defensive, when asked completely normal and innocent questions. Cheaters tend to feel threatened when being questioned about their whereabouts or well-being. They do not perceive your questions the way a normal person would. They perceive these questions as interrogation.
Watch very closely how your partner reacts to these “normal questions” because these reactions can tell you a lot about the fact whether they are indeed cheating or not. Another thing you need to watch for, is how they act in general. Any recent changes, may be a consequence of their infidelity.
To catch a cheating spouse focus your observation on:
- Is your cheating spouse constantly “guarding” their phone?
- Did they recently lock their phone with a password?
- Did your partner began dressing more elegant as he / she would normally dress?
- Did your cheating wife suddenly began wearing makeup?
- Is she / he on a diet, trying to lose that belly fat?
- Did your cheating husband suddenly started building up muscles and getting into shape?
- Does your spouse practice new activity going for a 30 minute “clear-a-head” evening walks?
- Is your partner working overtime lately?
These are just 8 signs to recognize a cheating spouse. Each of these signals could mean that something fishy is going on, and perhaps it is infidelity.
You can also check this helpful article to learn even more personal characteristics of a cheater. Watch your spouse actions and reactions very closely, because those can tell you a lot about them being faithful or not.
3 – Start acting very happy and positive
One way to provoke your unfaithful spouse, is by acting strangely positive and satisfied with your life, without having a real reason. This can confuse them big time, and it might make them do mistake. They will be frustrated over your happiness, which is great honestly, due to many reasons. So remember to keep positive attitude if you want to catch a cheating spouse.
Note that they are in constant fear of losing everything they have. Cheater’s life is not a good one. He / she gets their satisfaction like 1% of the total time, while the other 99% is fear and paranoia over being caught at what they’re doing.
While you, being without mistakes, can live your life to its full potential. You have nothing to hide, no secrets, so you should act like this. Forget about the person you met 10 or 20 years ago, who loved you and who you loved with all your heart. That person is gone. Sorry.
Instead of being depressed because your spouse is probably cheating on you, try acting happy and positive – especially around your spouse. It may sound strange, but trust me, these mental games work and to catch your cheating spouse it is best that you appear full of life and energy, walking around wearing confidence.
In the meantime, collect evidence. If it turns out your worries were for nothing, and that your spouse is simply just visiting the gym trying to live a healthy life, then all is fine.
Whilst if you catch them cheating, your positive attitude will show that you are strong and independent person, who will survive everything. For you finding a new spouse will be easy. If you are a freshly divorced man, you’ll get tons of women who will want to comfort you in your “difficult times”. Same goes for women who recently divorced – you will have men knocking on your door, trying to support you in those difficult times.
This will hardly be the case for your cheating spouse. Just for the sake of it, let’s say it’s a woman who is doing the cheating. If she is cheating with someone who’s also in marriage, with kids, god knows her lover will most likely stay with their spouse, rather than going away with a cheating skank. The guy will think: “If she cheated with me, she will surely cheat on me too!” – Nothing good awaits her. And if they do end up together, that won’t last long, trust me.
4 – Stalk them, follow them, spy on them
It is time you become a creepy stalker. Don’t worry, nothing is wrong with stalking your spouse if they act suspicious. You have nothing to be ashamed of!
So if you can, you should physically check where your spouse is going every Saturday morning when they are supposedly visiting yoga class. She (or he) might think that because you have kids at home to take care of, that you won’t be able to follow her. Prove your cheating wife wrong. Take kids with you, tell them you’re going for a fun ride. Or call a close friend to do you a favor and watch over your kids for 1 hour. Drive by the place, she said she’s going. Is her car there?
That’s how you can catch your cheating spouse. If nothing else, you’ll get a solid proof that she’s lying about her whereabouts. But you will see in continuation of this article that there’s an even better method on how to track her. At the end we have some pretty cool technical solutions prepared.
I know, stalking the one you care for most can be hard. It is hard to convince yourself into following the person you love. You’ll have doubts about your actions. Are you the bad guy for having trust issues? And what if she actually stops at this motel, or at the guy’s house? Won’t you be completely heartbroken if that would actually happens?
Psychology and your mental strength play key role when trying to catch a cheating spouse. You have to remain strong, and you have to know that you aren’t doing anything wrong by checking up on them. If you don’t see with your very own eyes what exactly is going on, then catching a cheating spouse can be really difficult.
If you find nothing, and your spouse actually does go where she said she’ll go, than you can relax a little. However, try following her / him a few more times, just to be sure.
* And a pro tip: If you catch your cheating spouse in act – if they enter their lover’s house, or if they meet at motel, or anything that reveals their adultery, then make sure you take some pictures. I know it’s hard, and you will be emotionally devastated at the time. But photo material will be of great use to you when this goes to the court.
5 – Go through the phone of your cheating spouse
The electronic devices. It is where all the truth and evidence is usually hidden. But as I said, cheating spouses can be smart. They might have a second phone, which they use to contact their lover. Having an affair and hiding it effectively takes a lot of brain and logistics. In this chapter, let’s say the husband is the suspect in cheating.
What signs of a cheating husband you should look for when it comes to phone?
- Is he overprotecting his phone, guarding it all the time?
- Did he set up the password recently?
- Does he refuse to give you his phone when you ask him?
- Does he always take the phone with him, like it’s a part of his body?
These signs can tell you a lot, and all of them are signs of cheating. I like what some other person suggested on Reddit. It went something like:
When you come home look like you are in panic, as if you lost your phone. Ask your spouse to quickly give you their phone, so you can call yourself and locate your ringing phone. If they refuse, and try to dial your number themselves, you know something is up. Don’t start blaming them or anything, just remember that they didn’t want to give their phone in your hands when it was urgent. Go away and pretend you found it. “Oh it was in my purse, silly me.”
Going through the phone of your cheating spouse can be no big deal if they haven’t got a password screen lock. Simply wait till they’re a sleep and snitch the phone. Go through messages, go through messaging apps, go through their dial history, go through their emails, everything.
The problem you’ll most likely face when trying to catch a cheating spouse, is that their phone is locked. Either they had set up a password, or a pattern, or a fingerprint, or anything … accessing their phone will not be easy. But there are ways you can get in even if it’s locked.
How to access a phone of a cheating spouse if it’s password protected?
• Use logic and be cunning – If you haven’t revealed your suspicions, then they are not alarmed yet. Simply stand behind or near your spouse and pay attention what they type in when unlocking their phone screen.
• Use methods presented in the videos below – We found a couple of ways that can help you unlock password protect phone, whether it runs Android or iOS. Just be careful that you use methods, which could wipe up the phone data completely. Study the methods, thoroughly before taking any actions. Some are pretty technical. Test on your own phone first, before going for your spouses.
• Use one of the programs – Apps designed for unlocking screen lock on any phone. These programs also allow you to recover any files on a phone that has cracked or a black screen. So they are perfect when it comes to getting those “secret messages” from the phone of your cheating spouse. Look at this article for which apps are best to unlock pattern protected screen lock. They aren’t free however.
The best and most efficient method is, if you actually somehow learn the pattern (or the code) that your spouse is using. That way, you can get into his phone whenever you want, without revealing yourself. Other methods will disable their phone lock, so they will be surprised in the morning as to why their phone has no password protection.
You’ll either have to tell them, or play dumb. However, these are 3 legit ways, you can access your cheating wife’s or husband’s phone. Do it while they sleep and check for any leads that might indicate they’re having an affair.
6 – Check history and trash on the devices
To many times people forget to check that. Browser history can reveal so many dark secrets your husband (or wife) are searching for. Let’s just hope they haven’t password protected their computers too.
If every single device your spouse owns is password protected, then I think you have the right to question them. What are they hiding? Why is everything locked? You should question them, if they are hiding something from you. Tell them you trust them, but that you do want to know what’s with all the passwords. It is their stupidity if they are locking everything. They make themselves look suspicious.
But if you do have access to the computer (or any other device) you should definitely check browsing history and trash.
Both can reveal a lot to you. And you know what – if nothing is there, if every time you check the history you find it has been completely wiped out, then that’s the biggest proof you’ll get. People who aren’t hiding things, don’t clear their browsing history.
To catch a cheating spouse you need to check every browser history. You need to open Mozilla and check history, you need to open Chrome and check history, you need to open Opera and check history … every browser that is installed on your computer needs to be checked.
And when you find something suspicious, like “what condoms are the safest”, or “which lube is safe with condoms”, you got him. Don’t go yelling at him accusing him. Wait. Be chill. Collect more evidence. Your patience is the key when it comes to a divorce. The more evidence you have, the more you can make his life miserable afterwards.
The trash is another golden cave. He might have deleted some files, some photos of his mistress, anything that would put him at risk of being exposed. Don’t forget to give it a look.
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram … Are you able to log in to any of the social media accounts your spouse are using? If yes, check them thoroughly. I still remember how that woman I mentioned primarily communicated with her lover through Facebook.
The first thing I have noticed is, that while she wasn’t adding many friends, she became friends with him. I thought: “OK, so what”. Few weeks have passed and he pasted this song on her wall. Again I’m like: “Who cares, just a song.”
These little things you notice, and think to yourself, that you’re just being paranoid and that you probably are the one with trust issues … these things are crucial. If your gut is telling you something is happening, do not ignore it. Trust your intuition.
As it turned out later for me, she’s been “fooling around” for quite some time. I will never forget that song he pasted on her wall. It was some Metallica shit.
Just can’t believe how life can have such big turn of events. You think you have found a woman of your dreams, maybe not from the start, but after being with her for some time you simply begin to love and adore her. To care for her. She also appears as she loves you. And after 8 years of being together, you get to know you meant nothing to this person. You just threw 8 years of your life into the garbage bin.
As soon as you realize, that person does not deserve you, and that you are beautiful and magnificent person, the better. The depression and sadness is real. You’ll think about ending your life. Don’t. You’ll get past it and you’ll meet someone who is 100-times better than that person you used to love.
8 – Install a tracking app to the phone of your cheating spouse
Catching your cheating spouse is very easy if you can get access to their phone. There are many apps that are primarily thought for tracking of kids, to make sure your kids are at school and safe.
You simply buy your kid a phone, they think it’s such a cool present, and they already have the app installed and have no idea about it. But every time they lie, mom somehow knows. Strange huh?
To catch a cheating spouse by tracking them you basically have two options:
- Install a tracking app to their existing phone (if you can access it);
- Give them new phone as a present with the app already installed.
If you achieve that your spouse use a phone with any of the apps such as XnSpy or mSpy, then there’s no way they can get away with cheating. You will have complete control over their phone. Calls, text messages, app messages, location tracking, and more. The only thing that can save them is using another phone for setting up dates with their lover.
9 – Wire their car (set up a bug)
The first thing you can do, is wire their car with is a GPS tracker, with which you will achieve knowing your wife’s / husband’s location at any time. Tracki 2020 model mini [link to Amazon] is one of such trackers.
And it is one of the best trackers that you can use to catch a cheating spouse. It is so small that is hardly noticeable even on plain site (1.8″ * 1.6″ * 0.7″), the batteries last forever (1 month battery life capacity), and comes with magnet that is a great feature for easier fixation.
If you have no option to trace your cheating spouse’s phone, Tracki is the way to go. You will have full control over the whereabouts of your spouse for entire month.
However, if you also want to connect and listen to what is happening in the car (the audio feature) I recommend ShieldGPS [link to Amazon]. This little gem needs not battery charging, because you can put it inside the 12V cigarette lighter in a vehicle. It looks very discreet and people driving the car will never guess it has anything to do with surveillance.
To catch a cheating spouse, both Tracki and ShieldGPS, can help a lot. One user mentioned how he installed one of these devices into wife’s car. He had been home for the weekend and wife didn’t leave the house. And then, on Monday morning, he goes to work. As soon as he settles in the office, the app started beeping and notifying him that the car is moving.
He waited to see where she’s going to stop, and then he followed her there. He didn’t enter, he waited outside in the car. And once his cheating wife, came out of the house she was in, he simply smiled at her and waved to her, and took off.
Needless to say, he broke up with her that evening and filed for divorce.
10 – Check transactions they make with credit & debit cards
A cheating husband will sooner or later buy his mistress something. Either he’ll take her for a dinner, or he’ll buy her sexy lingerie for a present. And the cheating wife will make the same mistake – buying things she normally wouldn’t, in places she’s normally not at.
Even the most methodical people sometimes make mistake, and checking bank transactions can help you to catch a cheating spouse. Spending $50 in a sex shop, or spending $150 in a restaurant. But when asked where he / she was, they make up a story which makes no sense. And it certainly doesn’t involve any expenditures.
Here are signs of cheating when it comes to credit card activity:
- Hotel bills;
- Restaurant bills that indicate dinner for two;
- Items resembling gifts;
- High gas expenses, which are not normal for routine errands;
- Bills made in places the spouse just isn’t supposed to be.
Finding any payments for the items listed above can be an indicator of cheating. Again, you shouldn’t jump at your spouse accusing them when you find something suspicious. Let these clues be your guidance. Try finding patterns.
You need solid evidence and you need multiple evidence. Cheaters have 100 excuses prepared upfront, and if you face them about their cheating too early you’ll only give yourself away. And as we mentioned previously, blowing your cover is the worst thing you can do. Act chill. Act normal. Until you have something solid onto them.
Money talks, remember that. Nothing will tell you more about your spouse than what (and where) they are spending their money. Checking transactions can give you a very good idea, what your spouse has been buying lately, and at which location he (or she) has been hanging. If your husband told you that on Monday he has business trip to place A, but credit the card was instead used at place B, that’s a great lead indicating the possibility of infidelity.
By tracing the money you can catch a cheating spouse discretely, without them even knowing how you found out and what gave them away.
Infidelity & betrayal – Kick your cheating spouse out
This “catch a cheater guide” consists of the above 10 tips on how to catch a cheating spouse. I hope that in your case, it turns out that you only had trust issues and that your spouse is actually deeply in love with you.
But there’s a though chance that’s gonna happen. Be ready for the worst. Cheating is the lowest thing a wife (or a husband) can do to their partner. When this happened to me, I wished she would rather murder me instead. It would be so much less painful. Catching your spouse cheat is not a victory, it’s actually a complete destruction of a persons mind.
To catch a cheating spouse you have to have iron strength mentally, you have to prepare yourself in the head for the worst. And most of all, you have to know that you are the better person here! That you are the one that will continue to have a great life, and that your cheating spouse will suffer. Someday in the future, maybe not instantly, maybe in a few years, karma will get them.
Me myself, I now have a beautiful wife and children who love me with all their hearts. And I love them back even more.
To catch a cheating spouse is the best thing that can happen to you. You leave them, never look back, no regrets, and find someone sooo much better. You can even be single for a year and enjoy the wild life if that’s your thing.
Anything is better than being cheated upon. Therefore, revealing the cheater as fast as possible is for your own best. Never accept their apologies, kick them out. They will always try to make their way back. Act as if you’re happy that you have “an excuse” to throw them out. Act as if you were sick of them anyway. Act strong and confident. – I say act, because at the time it is (in reality) quite impossible.
Anyway, enough about cheating, infidelity, betrayal … just had about enough of this topic. Thanks again to all of you.
Thank you for reading our article titled How to catch a cheating spouse: Guide to catching a cheater. Hope it’s gonna be of any use to you. Cya and good luck.