Help! My boyfriend wants to have anal sex with me


Here’s the question we received from one of our trusted readers, Nicole, and we will try to answer it as best as we can.

Help, my boyfriend wants to have anal sex with me! What should I do?

“Oh god. I never thought this moment would come, but lately my boyfriend has been asking and trying to persuade me into having anal sex with him. Merely the idea of him going in my ‘backdoor’ seems frightening and may I say, even repulsive. I never done this and I told him I’ll think about it, but honestly I am scared of pain and the possible mess, due to which I’d be embarrassed for the rest of my life. What are your experiences with anal? Is it painful? Is it messy? How does it feel, can it be enjoyable? What should I do?”

Because we believe this question is a very important one indeed, and that lots of women (and men?) find themselves dealing with the same issue, instead of privately answering to our dear Nicole, we decided to write down a full length article. We will answer within this content, what you can do if your boyfriend wants to have anal sex.

This article is written with women in mind, but gay men can use these anal tips just as well.

We’ll be providing anal sex tips and essential information about specific questions related to anal sex. Some of which are listed below:

  • Should you agree to anal sex, or just say no to your boyfriend?
  • If you say “no” what to expect?
  • If you agree what can you do to prepare yourself?
  • Also what can he do to ease the pain of your first anal attempt?
  • Are lubricants recommended and what kind of lube is best for anal?
  • Will it be painful?
  • Will it be messy?
  • Can anal possibly be enjoyable? If yes, how to have pleasure from anal?
  • Is anal orgasm a real thing?
  • What are some of the best advice for having painless and enjoyable anal?

You may also like some of our content below:

♥ One of the most comprehensive sex guides “Revolutionary Sex“.

♥ How you can use Olive oil as lube.

♥ One of the best anal lubes Penchant Premium.

Okey, let’s first ask ourselves, why men even want to try anal? Why do they feel this urge? What is so tempting about sticking you penis in the “forbidden place”?

Most of it is due to “the mystery”. Just as we are tempted to try all things in life, which we haven’t tried yet, same applies to sex and anal. If your boyfriend desires it, it does not mean that the he never tried anal in his life before. It simply means that he hasn’t tried it with you, and that he has this growing urge to have anal sex with you. Your sweet ass is tempting to him and he really wants it. He wants to feel it… he wants to experience that tight, orgasmic pleasure which you so far hadn’t shared with him yet.

Should you let your boyfriend slide it in and anally penetrate you?

My honest opinion is, that yes, you should. Here’s why. If you are planning on long-term relationship with him, it is very important that you are both sexually satisfied or your relationship might take a downfall. Sex is important for successful and happy relationship. Period. And people claiming that sex is not an essential element of marriage are oblivious. Sex is how partners express love and connect to each other. With sex both partners build a connection.

And if you start setting limits in sex with your partner you are risking the fall of your relationship. Your boyfriend may start watching over other women, because he dreams of sexual things, which he knows he can’t have with you. And there is a probability that your relationship won’t stand.

This is why I believe, that if you truly love your boyfriend, and if you are planning on building a long-term relationship with him, that there should be no limits. And that anal sex should be something that you must try. Both of you have sexual fantasies – and it is better to experiment with these fantasies as a couple, instead of searching for other solutions behind each other’s backs.

My boyfriend wants to have anal sex | Crucial tips

Here we’ll present essential tips for the most enjoyable anal experience. Without pain and mess.

If your boyfriend wants to have anal sex, we believe it’s best that you two first have an honest talk about it and discuss all needed preparations. You can use our tips and follow the advice we will present in the continuation of this article.

To assure enjoyable anal experience, communication is the 1st important thing that you and your boyfriend should attend to. I know, it’s uncomfortable talking about sticking things up your butthole, but if you are not an experienced anal taker, you two should first make a plan, and set some ground rules.

So, let’s take a look at some of the most essential things you both should do for having the most satisfying anal sex ever.

boyfriend wants to have anal sex - lets talk anal

1 – Talk, communicate, set ground rules

If your boyfriend wants to have anal sex, we’ve already emphasized that one of the most important things to do first, is to talk to each other beforehand.

Without proper communication, your first anal experience will most definitely turn out to be a painful and dissatisfying experience.

Here are some important topics you both should go through before engaging in anal sex:

  • Experience – Have any of you two already practiced anal (with other partners perhaps)?
  • Desire – How much both of you desire trying anal, how important is this?
  • Fears – What are your biggest fears? What are your main concerns?
  • Preferences – What are some of your key preferences? If you two are gonna try anal sex, which things are of highest importance to you?
  • Rules – What things can be done, and what things are forbidden (example: not allowing him to go back into your vagina after anal, due to possible infection.)

Remember, communication is very valuable, and essential if you are beginner or a first timer to anal penetration. And if your boyfriend wants to have anal sex with you, regardless how awkward you both think it is to talk about stuff like that, you have to discuss it.

It might be a taboo theme, but you should really have an honest conversation about it.

2 – Make sure you feel good about anal

Second and very important anal advice would be, that you should both make sure you, as a taker, make sure that you feel good about it. Mentally and physically.

You need to set your mind up for this and shouldn’t view it as something dirty and unnatural. Anal is perfectly fine and natural, and many other species practice anal sex [source:].

Just because babies don’t come from that hole, it does not mean it’s any less hygienic. Therefore, you should first come to terms with it mentally. You are going to do anal sex for Crist sake not drive a spaceship.

3 – Don’t practice anal sex if you have stomach pains or bowel movements

Never practice anal if you are experiencing any stomach pains or bowel movements. It is recommended that you empty your bowel few hours prior to an act. Don’t use any laxatives and diuretic, to empty your bowel – they will just make you’re your stomach turn.

Simply decide on having anal the day you feel good, clean and empty. And let yourself be hungry a bit… do not eat big meals right before.

I guess these stuff are logical, but we should mention them because there are few important things to note:

  • Do not try to take a dump just moments prior (minutes) of your anal act;
  • Do not use any laxatives and diuretic, which might make your stomach and bowel go wild;
  • Make sure you are feeling “empty” and that there’s all ok with your digestive system.
  • Relax and don’t worry about the whole thing too much.

4 – The key is in the foreplay

You have to be relaxed and turned on. And there’s no better way to achieve this other than extending the foreplay.

When your boyfriend wants to have anal sex, let him know that additional caressing and kissing is vital for you to get in the proper mood.

There are several erogenous zones he should attend to, which you probably know best yourself. Did you happen to discover yet one of the most sensitive spots just above your vagina? – The “mons pubis” also known as the pubic mound. It is the fleshy part above the labia. Let him know which parts of the body he should attend to.

It is a good idea that if you’re going for anal sex, that he also attends to your anus. Gently fingering it, and licking it, is one of the hottest and most relaxing sensations that you two can enjoy during the foreplay.

Of course, I don’t think I have to emphasize on the importance of proper hygiene when practicing anal sex. Make sure you are hairless and clean down there. And also he has to make sure that his penis is clean.

5 – Your boyfriend should go really slow

“My boyfriend wants to have anal sex with me!” – Good, and you agreed to it. But let him know that is of vital importance to you, that he should go really slow.

Before sticking his penis inside, just moments before that, he should try entering you first with one, and after with two of his fingers. This can be very hot if he’s doing it while vaginally penetrating you with his penis from behind (doggy style position).

And when you two decide, that it’s time for him to try sliding it in, he should really slowly begin to try to enter you. Gently and slowly. This has to be done in such manner, so that your anal hole can adapt to his penis size, to slowly extend and widen.

Once he has the tip of his penis inside you, he shouldn’t pull it out. He should gently move back and forth, making minimal movements. And after some time, he can go a bit deeper, and repeat the process.

Note that you might get the feeling that you’re going to poop yourself. At that moment, do not panic thinking that your feces will start pouring out while he’s penetrating you. This is just a feeling and it’s natural. When you get that feel of pooping yourself, simply relax. It is normal and the feeling will stop after some time.

Use lube for anal sex - Lubed up sexy woman

6 – Use plenty of lube when going for anal (don’t do it dry!)

Lube it up! Using lube for anal sex is as important as using shoes for a long walk – essential!

But just as the right type of shoes and the quality of the shoes are important for a good walking experience, the same principles can be applied to lube and sex.

A bad lube, with incorrect composition and properties, possibly also containing harmful ingredients, just won’t do well. And consequently your anal experience will not be enjoyable.

If your boyfriend wants to have anal sex, and you tend to realize his dreams, you have to equip yourself with the best possible lube out there.

There are 4 types of lube to choose from:

  • Water-based lubes;
  • Silicone-based lubes;
  • Natural oils (coconut oil, olive oil, almond oil, …);
  • Petroleum-based lubes.

For anal sex, we can say in general, that you should avoid water-based and petroleum-based lubricants. For example, water-based personal lubricants don’t perform well and are prone to dry out and get sticky.

So, what kind of lube is perfect for anal sex?

  • Anal lube should be long-lasting (therefore, water-based lubes are not an option).
  • The anal lube shouldn’t be too thick (we believe thinner lubes are better).
  • Best to use are natural oils (coconut, olive) and silicone-based lubes.
  • Anal lube should provide the best glide and slippery feel to it, while never becoming sticky.
  • Carefully choose the ingredients and make sure there are no irritants in your new anal lube.

Personally, I think you can’t go wrong with Penchant premium silicone-based lube for sensitive skin. However, if your boyfriend wants to have anal sex with an oil lubricant, you can either go for cold-pressed virgin coconut oil or extra-virgin olive oil. They both perform well in anal action and both are healthy for your skin.

7 – Never go from anal sex back to vaginal (leave anal for the end)

It can be tempting to switch between anal and vaginal sex.

But we strongly advise that if your boyfriend wants to have anal sex, that in no case you two should change back from anal sex to vaginal penetration.

Usually, nothing will go wrong if this actually happens, but it might cause an infection in some cases.

There are risks you are taking when switching from anal to vaginal and I believe that neither you nor your partner would like to suffer from the consequences such act may lead to.

Putting an object up your anus and afterwards back to your vagina, you greatly increase the chance of catching a number of infections. These range from:

  • urinary tract infection;
  • yeast infection;
  • bacterial vaginosis;
  • trichomoniasis;
  • other STI’s and STD’s…

The best advice we can give, if your boyfriend wants to have anal sex and right after switch back to vaginal penetration, is that you should both go and properly clean yourself (take a shower, etc.).

Proper hygiene is extremely important, especially if you are prone to vaginal infections. You should know that also your BF is not perfectly safe if you two tend to forget about cleanliness. Not caring about hygiene, can result in problems even for men. Genital warts are just one of the possible issues.

Therefore the best thing to do, is that you leave anal for the end.

What to do if boyfriend would like to have anal sex?

Boyfriend wants to have anal sex – Helpful tips for best anal sex

Overall we can say that first anal experience is almost always more of a “strange” experience rather than enjoyable. However, most women (and men) tend to start enjoying anal after few tries. Anal sex is something that no person should hold back from. It is a natural act, it is not “dirty” at all, and it can provide for some of the most pleasurable, intense and orgasmic sexual experience – once you learn to master it.

We went through some of the most important things you should prior to trying anal with your boyfriend. These are our own, unique tips, which we gathered from personal experience and you will not find such content anywhere else on the World Wide Web.

We believe our anal tips can help you enjoy your first sexual experience or at least make it less painful. Let’s sum-up what you should do if you boyfriend wants to have anal sex, and you are planning on going for it.

Here is the summation of our 7 essential anal tips for enjoyable anal experience:

  • Always communicate, talk, and set ground rules prior to an act itself.
  • Make sure you’re feeling good (mentally and physically).
  • Never practice anal sex if you have stomach pains or bowel movements.
  • Extend and put a lot of emphasis on the foreplay.
  • Tell him to go really slow and to be gentle when trying to enter you.
  • Use plenty of lube (there’s never enough) – silicone and oil based lubes are recommended.
  • Always leave anal for the end (don’t switch back to vaginal sex, for it may cause an infection).

Thank you for reading our article focused on improving your anal sexual experience. At we are always searching for new ways to help our readers, and provide helpful sexual advice. Big thanks also to Nicole for reaching us and presenting us with the challenge to answer her question: “Help! My boyfriend wants to have anal sex with me. What should I do?”

We hope you’ve enjoyed. Stay tuned, new articles about sexual wellness are published every week, so feel free to come back for new content.


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