Gay Lube: Top 5 Things All Gay Men Should Know About Lube!

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Hi, I’m John and I am a homosexual.

This introduction seems way to similar to the one at the AA meeting, but I must say that I am not ashamed even a bit that I was born with a different sexual orientation. Today I would like to share with you an article, which I have entitled “Gay Lube: Top 5 Things All Gay Men Should Know About Lube!”

I must admit that I have suffered in the past. I was hiding the truth about my sexuality from my parents, my family, my friends, and secretly wished that someday something will click in my head, changing my attraction towards women… It never happened.

After many years of hiding it, I came clean. I told my mom first about “what I am”. Even to this day, I am still thankful to my parents, who both supported me. Telling me that it doesn’t matter to them, that they love me for who I am, that I’m a good person, regardless of my sexual orientation, and that if I need any help, they’re always there for me.

With other people it was way different. Many friends stopped talking to me after learning that I’m gay. That made me sad, because I really valued my relationship with many of them. I stopped being invited to parties, people stopped saying “hi” to me, I kind of felt as a criminal, I felt as if I was looked upon as a scum.

That would soon all change, and it was me who had to make that change!

Amazing self-help program to improve yourself

To everyone searching for happiness, health and success in life, I have to recommend this self-improvement guide, which worked for me helping me transform my fears and insecurities, into positive thinking, mental strength and confidence.

Sorry about this intro, but I felt the need to share how my life as a homosexual went down, and how I managed to pull myself back up again. I am doing good now, I am in a relationship with a partner who loves me, and most importantly I am confident and proud of who I am!

There’s nothing wrong with being gay. In animals more than 450 species have been recognized to practice homosexual activities. Homosexuality is a common thing, which people still find as “abnormal”, while the nature is indicating that it’s the other way around.

Every person is beautiful, regardless of their sexuality, skin color, and other things people tend to frown upon, as long as that person is good-hearted, spending each day adding value to his peers.

5 gay lube - best lubricants for gay men

Now let’s go back to the lube topic and check the top 5 things all gay men should know about lube. Because lube is a must when it comes to love making and anal sex. We’re going to check which gay lube is the best and the safest for gay men to use.

For men couples being intimate is quite impossible without a proper lube. Besides the pain and possible anal fissures, there’s even a concern of catching something (liked an STD for example). Using a bad lube, won’t help either, because you need a lube that is healthy and which is going to reduce friction during anal sex.

Gay lube – Here are the top 5 things all gay men should know about lube before using one for their intimate acts!

1. Why homosexual men should use lube

Let’s start by talking about reasons. Why exactly should lube be used by homosexual men? What are the benefits and what are some things that all gay men should be aware of?

The thing everyone and every gay couple should be aware of (when it comes to practicing anal) is, that regardless whether you are a giver or the receiver, there’s a high chance of contracting an HIV or another common STD.

Most common STDs among gay men and bisexual couples are:

  • HIV
  • Chlamydia
  • Gonorrhea
  • Hepatitis B
  • Genital herpes
  • Syphilis
  • HPV
  • and more…

Common cause for developing many of the above are anal fissures [source]. These are small skin tears inside or on the surface of your anus. This can happen when you have painful anal sex, when there’s too much friction, and when a person doesn’t take his time but instead forces himself inside.

When using lube, and if things are done slow and with care, there’s a lesser chance of developing an STD. Gay sex becomes safer and more enjoyable. You just can’t use too much lube – the wetter, the better. Doing so, you’re making sure both you and your partner stay healthy.

Many STDs come without symptoms. That is why getting tested is a smart thing to do. Until then, using condoms and properly taking care of your intimate hygiene, is something every gay couple should pay attention to.

2. Avoid hyperosmolar lubes with harmful ingredients

2nd of the 5 things all gay men should know about lube, are the ingredients and the osmolality of a lubricant.

Lubricants can be healing, soothing and besides reducing friction you may be getting health related benefits (moisturizing skin, improving skin elasticity, etc.).

On the other hand, a bad lube, will be anything but that. It may become sticky, it can irritate your skin, cause infections, and even include carcinogenic ingredients. Instead of enhancing your sexual experience, it is surely going to let you down.

For that reason, it is important to check two things when you and your partner are searching for a lube:

  • lube osmolality,
  • and lube ingredients.

What is the osmolality of a lube

Basically, osmolality is a measure of the concentration of dissolved particles per unit of water. It is measured in mOsm/kg (milliosmoles per kilogram).

Sexual lubricants can be:

  • Hyperosmolar (high in osmolality, usually above 1.200 mOsm/kg) – dangerous, causes cells to die, may irritate your skin, cause infections and STIs.
  • Isoosmolar (270-310 mOsm/kg which basically equals the osmolality of the human plasma) – good, natural
  • Hypoosmolar (below 270 mOsm/kg, lower osmolality than human cells or bodily fluids) – good, may rehydrate your skin

Studies have proven that hyperosmolar lubricants, with osmolality above 1.200 mOsm/kg are problematic. These kind of lubricants are the cause of skin dryness and proven to increase the chance of catching an infection.

This study comparing an iso-osmolar (283 mOsm/kg) lube with the hyperosmolar one (3429 mOsm/kg), concluded, that hyperosmolar lubricants increase the chance of an HIV infection. When rectally applied, hyperosmolar lube causes an epithelial denudation, making it a poor choice for lubrication, which besides irritating your skin can cause contraction of an STI.

Gay Lube Osmolality 2020

Above you can see graph featuring some known brands and the osmolality of their water-based lubricants.

To conclude, you should at all costs avoid hyperosmolar lubricants. While you can feel safe using iso- and hypo- osmolar versions. This factor is at many times neglected by lube users, while it is crucial when choosing a lube that is actually healthy for you and your partner.

Which ingredients gay couples must avoid in a lubricant

Yes, checking the backside of the bottle, where that small text with the ingredients can be found (which may require glasses to be read), is a crucial step when you’re searching for a good lube.

Even when you do find a lube with good osmolality, you still need to check whether it features “something bad”.

By that, we have in mind the ingredient composition, where at many times manufacturers include ingredients that do not have any value for your skin. Quite the opposite, these ingredients can be harmful. Mostly they serve as a cheap way to prolong the shelf life of a product.

Bad lube ingredients can:

  • Cause infection.
  • Cause irritation.
  • Cause burning sensation.
  • Contraction of an STD.
  • On the long run, some can even cause cancer.

Now let’s take a look at the worst lube ingredients that every gay couple must avoid:

1) Formaldehyde releasers

Formaldehyde releasers are chemicals that are slowly releasing formaldehyde, which kills bacteria and microbes. The problem is that formaldehyde is carcinogenic and also a known skin irritant. Less aggressive, more natural preservatives exist, but of course they cost manufacturers more.

These are formaldehyde releasers that are commonly featured in lubricants: DMDM Hydantoin, Diazolidinyl Urea, Imidazolidinyl Urea, Polyoxymethylene Urea.

On PubChem you can find pictograms describing these ingredients as irritant, health hazard and environmental hazard, while EWG Skin Deep has rated some of them with a hazard rating 6 out of 10 (10 being the most toxic). I believe that anything above 3 EWG rating should be avoided.

2) Parabens

2 parabens can irritate vagina and mess up hormonal levels

Parabens are known endocrine disruptors, meaning they mess up your hormone levels. Hormonal imbalance can contribute to the growth of carcinogenic tumors.

According to PubChem, parabens also carry the properties of a skin irritant.

Here’s a list of common parabens, that your gay lube should not include: Methylparaben, Propylparaben, Butylparaben, Ethylparaben, Isobutylparaben, Isopropylparaben, … basically everything ending with “paraben”.

3) Glycerin

People with a bit of knowledge about the chemistry of lubricants, may think “but glycerin is only bad for women, because it causes vaginal yeast infection”.

Wrong! Glycerin is an ingredient associated with hyperosmolar lubricants, of which we already spoke. High in osmolality, lubricants can cause problems when used for anal sex.

Besides, if you thought that yeast infection can only appear on vaginal area, you are mistaken. There is such a thing as “anal yeast infection“, and using lube with glycerin (which work as a feeding source for Candida species), you may be at risk of catching an infection due to Candida overgrowth.

If your butt is itching, that may be a symptom of a yeast infection. We can conclude that lubricants for gay men, should be glycerin-free.

4) Propylene glycol

Here’s an excerpt about Propylene glycol from EWG, which you can find under the concerns column:

  • Irritation (skin, eyes, or lungs) (high)
  • Non-reproductive organ system toxicity (moderate)

Similar to Glycerin, Propylene glycol is associated with Hyperosmolar lubricants. This ingredient will suck out the moisture from your skin, making your skin drier and worn out.

Not only gay couples, but every lube user, should check the ingredients on the back label of a lube bottle, making sure there’s no Propylene glycol mixed into it. It will definitely pay off, providing for a better and healthier sexual experience.

5) Fragrance

Unscented lubricants, should be everyone’s preference. Perfume, fragrances, … these may seem attractive at first, however, nothing good can come from this.

A common fragrance ingredient is Lilial (butylphenyl methylpropional). It is a synthetic fragrance ingredient, which scent resembles the one of the Lily of the valley.

But one should realize, that this ingredient is so dangerous, that its use has been limited to 0,01% for “rinse off products” and to 0,001% for “leave on products”!

Here are just a few excerpts from EWG about Lilial, which is a common lube fragrance ingredient::

  • Moderate to high toxicity concern in humans.
  • Suspected of damaging fertility or the unborn child.
  • Lilial demonstrated estrogenic activity by increasing the proliferation of breast cancer cells in vitro.

6) Flavors

best flavored lube and the safety of flavored lubes

Flavors have always been problematic. Why? – First, these are usually artificial flavors with lots of sugar added into the mixture. That strawberry taste, isn’t the actual strawberry at all! Sometimes they will write “sugar free” and replace sugar with an artificial sweetener instead (e.g. Aspartame), which doesn’t make things any better.

Second, using a flavor infused lube, you can be 90% sure about facing the problem of stickiness. Your anal lube won’t run smooth. It’ll become sticky and ruin your sexual act.

And as we already learned, Candida species feed on sugar. So, we always recommend using lubricants that are free of sugar, sweeteners, flavors an scents. Pure, clean and natural is the way to go.

7) Petroleum

Petroleum-based ingredients have high chance of being contaminated with Polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons (PAH). These are in fact carcinogenic.

Besides, do you really want to apply something on your sensitive skin that comes as a byproduct of an oil industry. Yes, as in gasoline.

Petroleum ingredients function by creating an impermeable coating layer on top of your skin. This traps all body fluids under your skin, resulting in a short-term effect, which makes your skin appear as if it was better hydrated – while this is actually not the case.

The problem is that nothing good can come in your body, and that nothing bad can leave your body. Pores are clogged, skin can’t breath. Period.

On the back label of your lube bottle, pay attention whether these ingredients are featured: Petroleum jelly, Petrolatum, Mineral oil, Paraffinum liquidum, Liquid paraffin, … When choosing your lube, it is best to avoid these.

3. Types of lube and which type is best for gay men

The type of lube and knowing what are the key differences between each type is quite essential when you’re thinking about getting yourself that pleasure bottle. That’s why on the 3rd place of the top 5 things all gay men should know about lube, we will discuss the types.

Best lubricant for gay couples should be:

  • Rather on the thin side, as opposed to being thick.
  • Long-lasting (no need for constant reapplication).
  • Include healthy ingredients.
  • Should never get sticky or dry out.
  • Improve your anal sexual experience.

Now, let’s take a look at each type and see, which one suits your needs best.

Lubricants based on water

The 1st type of lube is a water-based type. It means that the lube is featuring water (aqua) as the main ingredient.

This type of lube is usually considered the safest, mainly because it can be used with just about anything (condoms, toys, etc.).

Let’s take a look at some characteristics of a water-based lubricants:

  • Can be used with latex condoms.
  • Can be used with silicone toys.
  • Can be rinsed off with mere water.
  • Skin absorbable (may hydrate your skin).
  • Tends to dry out faster than other types.
  • Sometimes can become sticky (not all, the bad ones).

If you for some reason decide to use a water based lube with your friend, make sure it’s clean, scentless, and flavorless. The less ingredients it features the better. I’d say 6-7 ingredients in total is a max.

Silicone lubricants for gay couples

silicone-lube-type

This is one of my favorite types, I absolutely adore having anal sex using the silicone-based lubricant. Why? – Because it’s gentle, because it’s thin, and because it never dries out.

“A little goes a long way,” is a common sentence you will find in a connection to silicone-based lubricants. People praise them, because you can have that tiny bottle for such a long time.

These usually don’t contain harmful preservatives, because unlike water-based, silicone doesn’t expire, therefore not needing anything extra to prolong its shelf life.

Just be careful about what you bring into the game. Silicone doesn’t go along with silicone. It is incompatible with silicone sex toys, it is also incompatible with polyurethane condoms. However, it is perfectly fine in a combination with latex material.

If you have the need to wash it off after the use (which I personally don’t do), mere water won’t do the trick. You’ll need some soap to clean properly. Make sure your soap is natural, without anything that might irritate or otherwise harm your private parts. I simply just use water (shower), and don’t care if there are traces of lube left on me. Within few hours it’ll “be gone” anyway.

Oil is an amazing gay lube

Another amazing type of lube that every gay couple should eventually try playing with, are oils and oil-based lubricants. Oil is simply an amazing gay lube, which can be absorbed through the skin, moisturizing and revitalizing it.

Silicone-based lubricants will not have health related benefits for your skin. Silicone doesn’t treat your skin, because silicone can’t be absorbed by the skin and doesn’t contain essential ingredients that would benefit your skin. Oils are different, usually healthy and do in-fact get absorbed by the skin. That is the reason why oil lubricants will not only make your sexual experience great, but also healthy.

Here are main characteristics of lubricants based on oil:

  • Long-lasting, will not dry out easily.
  • Healthy for your sensitive skin (moisturizing, revitalizing, improving skin elasticity).
  • Can be used with silicone toys.
  • Can’t be used with condoms.
  • May stain your sheets.

I always make sure, that my oil lubricant contains a natural oil of the highest quality. The only downside is, that you can’t use this type of lube with condoms.

Also don’t be mislead by “mineral oils” – that’s not what we have in mind with oil-based lubricants. Mineral oil is petroleum-based and should not be used as a lube at all. Avoid mineral oil.

4. Best gay lube recommendations

We feel the need to share some of the best lubricants gay men can use for sex and for solo action. We only recommend the slickest, healthiest, and the best performing lubricants without preferring a particular brand.

You may check customer reviews and notice everyone speaks highly of these intimate bottles. You may check the ingredients and see these recommendations are clean and safe. Anywhere you’ll go you’re going to find nothing but praise about each lube listed below.

These are the best lubricants for gay couples:

Penchant Premium [Silicone]

penchant-premium-personal-silicon-based-sex-lube

Click the image to go to Amazon store

Silicone-based lubricant designed for sensitive skin. Gay love has never been so passionate.

Uberlube [Silicone]

uberlube_2

Click the image to go to Amazon store

Premium lubricant that works amazing, enhancing the experience of anal sex.

Extra-Virgin Olive Oil [Oil]

mina olive oil as sexual lubricant for gay men

Click the image to go to Amazon store

Family harvested, low acidity, first-pressed, perfect to use as an anal lube for sex.

Cold-Pressed Coconut Oil [oil]

anal 100 percent coconut oil for anal sex (oil-based personal lube)

Click the image to go to Amazon store

Cold-pressed, the purest coconut oil with skin revitalizing properties, long-lasting.

Aloe Cadabra [Water based]

natural ALOE CADABRA lube

Click the image to go to Amazon store

Natural water-based lubricant, with organic Aloe Vera. Safe with condoms and toys.

Isabel Fay [Water based]

isabel-fay-natural-lube

Click the image to go to Amazon store

Clean water-based lube that every gay couple can safely use, glycerin- and paraben- free.

5. Lube substitutes gay men can use instead of lube

I know how it is when you are really in a pinch, and you don’t have that bottle of wet stuff. Before your purchase is going to be delivered a couple days will pass for sure.

That’s why I’d like to point out some items that you may have at home, and are perfectly safe to use for anal sex. You and your boyfriend will still be able to enjoy sex, even if you don’t have a proper lube at this very moment.

Below are 5 household items that gay couples can safely use instead of lube:

  1. Water and cornstarch – DIY constarch lube.
  2. Aloe Vera gel instead of lube – How to make Aloe lube.
  3. Coconut oil, preferably cold-pressed but can also be made via boiling.
  4. Olive oil – If you have extra-virgin, first-pressed, unblended, low accidity olive oil at home, you can be sure it will work amazing as a lube substitute.
  5. The egg whites – Yeah might seem gross or dangerous, but it works fine and is mostly safe.

With this we’re ending the main part of our article, concluding the top 5 things all gay men should know about lube! The last one being gay lube alternatives that you may have at home and can safely be used instead of lube.

How to make lube from water and cornstarch

Conclusions – Gay men, lubricants & sexual wellness

Well, I guess this post became longer than I initially planned. Hope it serves well and improves sexual experience of gay men. Lubricants are vital when practicing anal for both genders actually. And without the slippery stuff, you just won’t be able to enjoy anal sex to its full potential. It may even hurt. A lot!

Besides, as we mentioned in the beginning of the article, having dry anal sex is dangerous and can result in catching something you really don’t wish to bring upon yourself or your lover.

The key thing, however, remains within our own thoughts. We have to accept that we’re gay, that we’re different, and that this isn’t something we should be ashamed of. I am proud of myself, I do good deeds, and no person will ever be able to say that I didn’t help whenever I possibly could. My sexual orientation as gay has nothing to do with me being a good person or not, regardless of what the religious people may preach to me. I am also religious and I believe in God, and I believe that God values all people equally.

While I also believe that people who do not understand some people are born different, and are spreading hate towards anyone like us, are going to be judged by God.

Everyone is beautiful, everyone’s good, as long as they value & respect other people, regardless of how God has created them.

I believe many will disagree with me, but that’s how I think.

Thank you for baring with me, and thank you for reading my post Gay Lube: Top 5 Things All Gay Men Should Know About Lube! – Hope you’ll find it useful and I wish you a great day.

Yours truly, John

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