Marriage and relationships – Love is so beautiful, but it also brings a handful of challenges upon both partners. And many couples are unable to maintain healthy relationship in long-term.
Did you know that almost 50% of all marriages end in divorce [source]? If only couples could see the most obvious signs sooner and somehow managed to solve problems more effectively. The worst thing is, that most couples who end up separating have children together. It is not the couple who suffers the most … the sad truth is that the innocent children will carry most of the consequences.
Due to this reasons, I have decided to prepare a comprehensive list of signs that your marriage is falling apart. By being aware of these signs, you can still react and perhaps save your marriage.
Sometimes saving your marriage may be impossible, but in most cases couple can still work their way towards solutions. Here are 22 signs that your marriage is falling apart.
22 signals that your marriage is falling apart (with solutions)
1. Lack of intimacy : Without sex, having a healthy and a happy marriage is simply impossible. Sorry to say, but to all who believe sex has nothing to do with love you are wrong. Certain hormones are being released during sex, which affect love and strengthens bond between both partners.
2. Unsolved arguments : Having arguments is quite normal and is a standard element of every relationship. However, the inability to solve problems and make up after the fight, is a serious signal indicating that your marriage is falling apart.
3. Sleeping separately : Is your man sleeping on the sofa, and only rarely comes to sleep in bed with you? As innocent and unimportant as it may seem at first glance, it does have a deeper meaning. It’s about the emotional detachment, while the bond between you two is getting weaker with each day.
4. No cuddling : You may think of cuddling as something that only teenagers who are freshly in love are supposed to do. But that’s not true. Sex is not the only type of intimacy that should take place between husband and wife. If there’s no cuddling, no caressing, no lovey-dovey, that’s an alarming sign that your marriage is falling apart.
5. Blaming : Once the blaming starts, there’s no more searching for solutions, no more collaboration between the partners, instead partners are trying to pin the issues on each one another.
6. Avoiding each other : Do you find yourself (or perhaps your partner) putting all effort into not coming home? You rather get busy or meet with friends after work? This is pretty bad, it shows that you are annoyed by the presence of your partner. In a healthy marriage it is vice-versa. Partners (mostly) enjoy their time together.
7. Never admitting fault : You know you’re the one who caused the issue but you don’t want to admit it? Even if it’s a matter of life and death, you will play innocent and refuse to admit that it was you who perhaps did a mistake. Not only is this bad for your marriage, but it’s also completely immature. 12 year old kids do that.
8. Afraid to show feelings : When he or she are hiding their feelings, embarrassed to show some tears, or to tell what they truly feel inside, it is a bad sign and could mean that your marriage is falling apart. Man and wife should both be able to fully trust their feelings to one another.
9. Insulting : When one spouse lets themselves to insult another, that’s one of the worst acts of humiliation. It is very concerning and if you are wondering if partners in a happy marriage are calling each other names, let me tell you, they don’t.
10. Resentment & revenge : When your spouse does something that you don’t like, do you think about how you’ll get back at them? Planing on how you’ll return “the favor”? Bad things happen in every marriage, and hurting one another is unavoidable and does occasionally happen. But resenting that, or even planing a revenge act, is a concrete signal that your marriage is falling apart.
11. Too many hobbies : Did your wife became amazingly active lately? Signed up for all kinds of activities? Yoga, fitness, cooking class, and the list seems to have no end. The reason for that might be you. You are probably not the perfect husband you think you might be. If you were, she’d want to spend time with you.
12. Cheating : Well, we’ve just advanced to the hard crimes here – infidelity. How do you feel about being disloyal to your spouse? Have you ever cheated? Do they know? Do you fantasize about cheating? – Infidelity is probably the last straw, and one of the hardest things to recover from. Even if you’ve been forgiven, something changes in a relationship that will never be the same.
13. No chit chat : Do you feel like you’re talking to your boss, where you have to carefully choose your words, but in-fact you are talking to your husband? Healthy relationship also consists of general chit chat, meaning that spouses chat about everything – also about irrelevant things. Communication is fun, that’s why they do it.
14. Arguing and raising voice : As soon as you two begin to speak, in a matter of minutes someone gets pissed off and starts yelling. The argument emerges, you are both angry (or one might be sad and crying). You manage to argue over the most basic stuff, that you’d never imagine to develop into a fight. You are starting to wonder if your neighbors can hear you yell.
15. Keeping secrets : There’s no more trust in your relationship. You are not sharing important things with your spouse. You are keeping secrets without even feeling the need of exposing them. These range from small elements to those with a heavier weight, that could get you into serious trouble.
16. Boredom : Are you bored? Is your spouse bored? Are both of you bored, especially of each other and the routine in which your marriage is circling for the last few years. You are trapped in a loop, and there’s simply nothing interesting going on in your lives.
17. Money over love : Money seems the priority, no one cares about love anymore. As long as you have money everything is OK … but as soon as you engage in a conversation about financial things, you already know that an argument will take place.
18. Parenting is asynchronous : I really hate seeing when incompetent parents are affecting their child’s development. And that’s exactly what happens, when the mother and father disagree on their methods of parenting. And that’s also a big red sign that your marriage is falling apart.
19. Simply not caring : If you came to the point in which you simply don’t care anymore, that’s pretty bad. You honestly couldn’t care less, when he / she is coming home, what will they eat, who’s going to pay the bills, what plans your spouse might have for the weekend … you just live day by day.
20. Flirting : Have you discovered a number of innocent looking, but sexually colored texts on their phone? Does your wife’s behavior, attitude and voice color changes when a coworker calls her about “work related stuff”? – Subtle flirting is definitely a strong sign that your marriage is falling apart.
21. Not understanding your spouse anymore : When you try hard, but just can’t seem to understand what they are thinking, and you fail to “get” their actions any longer – they just seems illogical to you. It suddenly feels as if you are with some stranger, rather than with someone that you know for years.
22. Priorities : How are priorities in your relationship? What’s important and what’s not? If you and your spouse have different view on priorities, that may be an alarming signal for you. It means you disagree in essential matters. In a healthy marriage, both partners have to have the same view on priorities and goals.
How to save a marriage that is falling apart?
You can still react to the signs that your marriage (or relationship with your loved one) is falling apart. One thing is certain – Without any action, by ignoring these signs, your relationship can not progress in a positive direction.
To save your marriage, you have to do something about it. You have to react. Here’s what I personally recommend: Communication.
All these signs that your marriage is falling apart can be solved with communication and by having an honest talk with your spouse.
How do you talk to your spouse about issues?
- Alone: Assure you two are alone (no kids) and have plenty of time for discussion.
- Announce: Let your partner know, that you would like to talk about something very important.
- Relax: Perhaps bringing a bottle of wine, is not such a bad idea for relaxed ambient.
- Rules: Set rules of the conversation – no yelling, no interrupting, an honest discussion.
- Positive intro: When you begin, make a positive intro. Tell your spouse how much you love them, how you are lucky to have them, and that you care about him/her very much.
- Problem introduction: In the 2nd part of the intro also tell your partner, that you have noticed certain problems in your relationship, that which, if left unattended, may result in a break up.
- Problem definition: Both take a piece of paper and write down top 3 problems. Don’t write too many, focus only on those 3 things that bother you the most. Hand your paper to your partner, and they should do the same.
- Discussing problems: Problems should be discussed, and problem solving is one of the most important skills for maintaining a happy marriage. Be calm, and don’t search for the guilty one. Search for solutions.
- Agreeing on solutions: If you manage to get to an end without ripping each others’ throats, make an action plan. What actions will both of you take to save your marriage. It can’t be one sided. Both of you have to put an effort into it.
- Scheduling: Set time when you will sit down again, for another honest conversation, when you’ll also do a follow-up on previously agreed activities (once per week).
5 things that should be avoided when talking about issues:
- Refusing to talk – If your partner doesn’t want to engage in solving your relationship problems or doesn’t think it’s a serious matter to discuss, you have to face them with reality. If they still refuse to talk, you should leave them (at least temporarily). Let them see they are not the king. Let them think they had lost you. It’s hard, but sometimes is the only way.
- Blaming – Never every search for the guilty one. It is what it is. Some problems are their fault, and some can be pinned on you. For marriage to get into problematic situation, two persons are needed. Never blame, search solutions.
- Empty promises – Don’t agree on something if you know that you will not do. Giving your spouse empty promises, just to get them off of your back, will probably result in further lies and end with an even bigger disappointment.
- Minimizing the weight of the problem – If something bothers your partner, even if you really think that that’s not a problem, you should acknowledge it. As long as it bothers your spouse, then the problem exists.
- Only focusing on problems – Don’t just complain how bad everything has become, and how you suffer etc. Focus on good things too. Always tell them what you love about them, what are the strong points of your relationship, and let the problems be just one part of the conversation.
We have introduced in this article 22 alarming signs that your marriage is falling apart. With those we’ve also presented a 10 step process (an advice) on how we believe you can save your marriage.
You should always maintain a positive attitude towards problem solving, and look at problems as an opportunity to make things better and your marriage happier.
Hope you find it helpful. Thanks for reading.